Couples & family therapy
Break your negative relationship patterns with couples therapy
For most people, relationships are the great meaning of life. Unfortunately, relationships do not always work easily and smoothly, and can sometimes be very difficult to deal with. Whether it is a love relationship or a relationship with family members and friends, it can trigger very difficult feelings. These can include jealousy, anger, sadness or disappointment. Sometimes the person can lose their 'core values' of being the partner, parent, friend or sibling they most want to be. This often happens when emotions and thoughts take over, which can result in a loss of self-control. With couples therapy, you can find your way back to each other and sort out your challenges.
Couples therapy in Stockholm, Gothenburg and Malmö
Sveapsykologerna helps you with couples therapy at our clinics in Stockholm, Gothenburg and Malmö and online. Welcome to seek help from our experienced couples therapists both physically or via video meeting.
What they say about Sveapsykologerna
Couples therapy helps you reflect
By reflecting and focusing on the core values and examining the situations that arise, the person can change their approach and improve their relationships. It is important to examine one's triggers, thoughts, feelings, body sensations, behaviors, short-term and long-term consequences in order to stop acting on autopilot and take steps towards being the partner, family member or friend that one really wants to be.
Some people are good at asserting themselves and setting boundaries. Perhaps they need to learn to stop, park their reactions and become more sensitive and validating towards their fellow human beings.
Other people have more difficulty with healthy self-assertion and are more likely to be too nice and compliant. You could say that these people are over-adaptable; so flexible that they run over themselves. They listen a lot to other people and do not express their own thoughts, opinions, feelings and needs. The problem is that people who have an excessive dose of the personality trait 'agreeableness' are more likely to end up in relationships where they risk being exploited and mistreated.
We want to strive to find a balance between not being too adaptable and not being too limiting. This optimal level of balance is known in psychology as healthy self-assertion. It means being able to be sensitive and validating of others' thoughts, feelings, needs and wants - while listening to and describing your own thoughts, feelings, needs and wants.
Hopefully you have a partner who also strives for healthy self-assertion, as this increases the likelihood that both will find the relationship positive and meaningful.
Handling criticism better
Expressen interviewed Sveapsykologerna about tips on how to handle criticism better.
Realistic expectations of their partner
It is important to have realistic expectations of your partner and not demand that they make you happy. Unfortunately, many people have the idea that the relationship should have a feeling of "pink clouds" every day, for life, and if it doesn't happen, something must be wrong. The infatuation phase may pass after a while, leaving a stronger, more genuine relationship with deeper feelings. For people who are thrill-seekers or avoidant in their behavior, this can feel boring or scary. They may then move on to other kicks or new, shallower relationships.
This rarely leads to deeper relationships and for people who have such avoidant or ambivalent tendencies, the exercise can be about daring to stand firm, even when the relationship triggers negative feelings. It can be easier to succeed in maintaining a good relationship if you have a secure attachment and so does your partner.
People with insecure attachment patterns (avoidant and ambivalent) can practice doing the opposite; for example, staying instead of instinctively leaving the relationship and thus breaking their dysfunctional relationship patterns. The important thing is that one's core values guide the decisions and not old, ingrained patterns that make what the person wants impossible in the long run.
The closer you are in terms of personality, the easier it is usually to maintain a relationship. If both people are creative, they may be able to pursue interesting projects together. If only one of them is creative, they may feel that the other does not want to talk about things that are stimulating to discuss. Or if one person is very meticulous, structured and hardworking and the other is not, the more orderly person may be bothered by the other's lack of structure and order, which in turn may lead to conflict.
The Sveap psychologists appeared on TV4 - Nyhetsmorgon. "How to avoid unnecessary conflicts on vacation". See the full video clip here: https://www.tv4.se/klipp/va/13777439/sa-undviker-du-onodiga-konflikter-pa-semestern
In cases where the people in a relationship are different extroverts, the one with the greater social need is likely to feel that the other person talks too little or does not share, while the more introverted person may feel that their social needs are met at the end of the working day. The person who is "agreeable", i.e. more sympathetic, will think that the other person is insensitive when expressing certain things. The person who is more stress-sensitive and anxious may be bothered by the fact that the person who is calmer cannot understand their anxiety.
Unfortunately, when we fall in love, we rarely think about personality or even gravitate towards each other's differences. It is then a matter of understanding at a later stage in the relationship that you have different personalities and trying to compromise as much as possible. You also need to understand that your partner cannot meet all your needs, but only some of them. Some needs need to be met in other ways.
Couples therapy - outside help with your relationship
When couples get into difficulties, outside help may be needed.
Therapy treatment may include replacing negative patterns of behavior with positive interaction, finding back what the couple previously appreciated about each other.
To express their feelings and needs, to learn to listen to each other, to practice problem and conflict solving, and to give and receive criticism and appreciation in a better way.
Go your separate ways if you are heading in different directions
Sometimes people decide that the best option is to go their separate ways. Perhaps they have different aspirations or too different personalities. It may also be that they have hurt each other, that problems seem hopeless or that one partner is not putting in as much effort as the other. For many couples, the joy, closeness, passion and passion that existed at the beginning of the relationship disappears.
It feels more difficult to talk to each other in a validating way and eventually you may wonder if there is anything in common at all. Sex life may not really work. Jealousy and infidelity can also cause problems. You may have different values and ideas about how to live your life together, such as how to prioritize time, how to run the home, how to raise the children or how to socialize. Love disappears and what once held the couple together is nowhere to be found.